Today has been one emotional day! I don't know what it is about shopping that wears a person out, but I've had about all I can take. It started out fun- but after driving all around town all day, beating the crowds, not finding what I needed, dealing with a tired toddler & a hubby who can only shop for so long, & coming home practically empty handed- I'm tired & cranky too.
I find it mind boggling that as the stress goes up so does the desire to pig-out. And the more time that goes by before I can get my "fix"- a.k.a, the food that I'm craving- the crankier I get. I just kept thinking about food more & more today as the day went on. Nothing I ate satisfied me- I felt so "hungry" because I wasn't getting what I really wanted. I'm sure that I would have blown it big time if my hubby wasn't around to watch me. I really appreciate the accountability now looking back on the day, but at the time I wished I was shopping alone so I could get my greasy cheeseburger with fries. How immature. I hate that I would so willingly blow everything I have worked so hard for in one stressful afternoon. What happened to the strength & conviction I had only yesterday? I find it overwhelming how quickly it is overcome by a sour mood & the thought of food.
I have recently learned through a devotional that when us food junkies crave something like that it really means our soul is hungry. It means that it is time for us to take our emotions to God, not drown them in a full stomach. This is how food is taking God's place in my life. I realize in writing this & looking back over my day that I have alot to work on. I have alot of attitudes & thoughts to overcome. As each day goes on & I deal with the things that are thrown at me, I don't take note of where my emotions are. It's so easy to detour into the drive-through without realizing what my hunger truly is. What does God mean exactly when he said to "take every thought captive"? Thoughts come & go so quickly, how does one do it?
I just know I'm NOT going back to the way I was. Tomorrow I will just start fresh. I'm scared because I know I will encounter it again & I haven't figured it all out yet. Maybe what I learned now will help me next time around. I'm definitely open to change- I don't like what I'm discovering about myself one bit. Wouldn't it be easier to go on oblivious to it all & be able to drink my frappuccino in bliss? Deep down, though, I guess it really isn't bliss. Bliss will be freedom. And knowing Christ can see His reflection in me.
Thanks for letting me blab on & figure it all out. Thanks for your support- it means alot to me.